The day I got my spirit back was on Easter Sunday on April 23rd, 2000. It also happened to be my birthday. On that day I was 33 turning 34, the age in which our bible tells us Jesus died and was resurrected. I was leading praise and worship in a Church in Anderson, Indiana when an unexplainable rush came over me. I was flush and extremely emotional. I looked out with tear filled eyes and noticed a family of three in the first row. A woman in a yellow dress, a man in a blue suit and their baby dressed in pink. I had never noticed so many colors. I was mesmerized and dizzy yet joyful.
I had just ended a five year spree of bible digging. I spent 5 years virtually alone in my little house on VanBuskirk Road. God had me healing, learning, maturing as I was with Him in the lowest valley where the soil was the richest. God fed me. My spirit went into such deep hiding after a horrible event in the seventies and again in the early eighties that I was sure to never get it back. But I did, right smack dab in the middle of Church in front of everyone. One might have been embarrassed but I wasn’t. I fell to my knees, pulled the plug from my guitar and walked off stage into the back behind the curtain. I was seeing in color. It was bright, it hurt my eyes. I am not using a bunch of words to fabricate a façade of which didn’t happen. This is more like a softened version as most wouldn’t believe how I really felt and might have thought that I was a lunatic.
Many of you who know me or who have read my memoir know that I had lost my spirit at an early age due to child abuse and also child sexual abuse. After several years of having a gun pointed at my head, each day felt like the last day for me. My vision became acute. My senses became enormously sensitive. I could feel a mosquito in a room. With all of this said it was my defenses. Unfortunately though my senses did not see in color. I didn’t know that I was seeing everything in black and white for years. Yes, I could see a red stop sign and stop before it but only because my defensive senses were hyper acute.
After more than twenty five years of not seeing in color and when I finally got my spirit back, the color was blinding. It was painful on my retinas for days. I was so very joyful and full of life. After five years of the Lord and I spending time together in my little home with candles burning, the Lord allowed me to see in color again. When you truly see in color, you realize that there is a bit of heaven right here on earth. To see superficially is to see in black, white and color, I get that. But when one SEE’S a dimension in which God takes us to, we dont just see in color but everything BECOMES color (its in your face color). Its a joyous celebration right here on earth, like having a snapshot of heaven.
You all might think that I am a little bit of a nut job. That’s OK. I really dont care what anyone thinks of me right now. I care what you think of me when you are also seeing this color I am speaking of.
Your story is so black and white as in (blah, blah, blah) that it’s just another story until God gets a hold of it. Once it is His and I mean all of it is His, Your story becomes His glory and when it does, be sitting or kneeling because you can’t handle His power. When God flips the switch in your life from black and white to color you become a witness to His Grace, Love, Joy and Power. It becomes a witnessed, unexplainable trip to a holy dimension. You will never be able to explain it. It will be a mystery to you and you wont be able to define it. I just tried to in this blog, but I am looking like a bit of a whack job.
Turn your story over to Him. All of it! Let your everyday story become a holy one for Gods glory and see in color for the first time. Witness peace and joy. God Bless You!
Love,
-Alter Pain
