Ladies and Gentlemen,

Now at the age of 51, I am starting to figure out women. Why has it taken me so long? I think it is really because I had never paused long enough to really try and think like a woman. We need each other but we dont. When I used to travel a lot, my wife missed me and wanted me home. If I was home for more than two days, she asked me ever so kindly if I had any place that I needed to be. I have this desire to be funny. After the dark life that I lived and survived through in my younger years, I cant think of a better earthly way to  heal than laughter. My wife thinks that I am the only one who laughs at my jokes. Perhaps she’s right.

Honey, what’s wrong? “Nothing” she says. Are you OK? I asked. “Yes” is her reply as I try and cut the air with a sharp sigh. OK, I can’t read your mind you know. The first thing I want to do is fix her problem. Seriously, I cant even fix my own problems without Gods help yet I think I can fix my wife’s problems too?

“Danny, why are you so quiet?” Oh just a rough day at work, I replied. “I feel all alone sometimes because you’re here but you really aren’t here with me” my wife murmured. I just need some time to myself to be quiet, that’s all. I feel like I dont have what it takes to make you happy sometimes. Seriously? I dont always know how to make myself happy without God, yet I think I think I should have THE POWER to make her happy too?

Men and women cry out so very differently for attention. While my wife cries for me to be a better compassionate listener, I am crying for a that-a-boy. While my wife mostly needs to be comforted with companionship, I find myself needing some alone time which I find very healing.

I truly believe that it isn’t so much about “he said, she said” rather what he or she didn’t say. So lets look at this from a different perspective. One must first disarm the other first before replying to each others complaints. First of all, we must always look at a complaint as not a complaint at all. It is a purposeful leveraging for attention. Its a crying out for some love. Though sometimes immature, it is valid as we all need some validation once in a while. Here is what I am learning from trial and error.

Here is a replay of the two scenarios above…

Honey, what’s wrong? “Nothing” she says. Are you OK? I asked. “Yes” is her reply as I try and cut the air with a sharp sigh. She could have either told me what was on her mind straight up, or I could have offered some space by saying. OK honey whether you are mad at me or something else, I am willing to talk about when you are ready. I love you.

“Danny, why are you so quiet?” Oh just a rough day at work, I replied. “I feel all alone sometimes because your here but you really aren’t here with me” my wife murmured. I am sorry you are feeling lonely right now, if I try to give you attention right now it wont be genuine. Let me have some time to myself and when I have gathered my thoughts, I will give you genuine attention. Thanks for your understanding. I love you.

In both case scenarios, the disarming happens when one makes it less about them selves and more about the other. So after these true corny examples, the secret to getting along well with each other is simple. Be a servant to each other with a genuine servant heart. Keep each other at ease not at bay. It isn’t about poor, poor me. Its about my tender and loving wife. I find in each case that the result is always worth it. That is of course when I follow His council. That is my God, the father of Jesus, my mentor. He is always right.

Oh and ladies, it is really easy answer a mans pathetic cry for attention. Just remind your husband how sexy he is. Remind him of how proud you are of him. That’s really about it.

A man much like a woman has to be refueled with some loving. We are like a barrel with holes at the bottom. You pour into us but the barrel empties out. It isn’t a one time gig. Its a life time commitment of letting us hear how sexy we are and how proud you are of us.

Love,

-Alter Pain-